More Loss
I have lost someone very dear to me. It was extreme because this has never happened to me before and I don't do death well at all. I have been taking care of my kinfolks for the last five years like 24/7 but they gave me the opportunity to go back to college and bought me a computer and set me on the right track of life. I call her mama and her husband Bobby. She has been more of a mama to me in the last five years than anybody. We had our coffee together every morning and she would tell me before I left for school see you later alligator and I would say after while crocodile.
She supposedly had Alsheimer's disease and Bobby has Parkinson's disease. I always knew she was in decline after she broke her hip she never walked again but we always laughed everyday and talked for at least two hours before I went to school. I would get up at 4 to 5 a.m. just to have this time with her. I gave her medicine and generally took care of all her needs, and Bobby basically took care of himself. I cried, I've had meltdowns over schoolwork or other things in life, and she was always there to listen to anything that bothered me. I don't know what I am going to do without her.
Friday she was better. She even ate more though she had been on a decline the last 4 to 5 months dropping from 90 pounds to 70 pounds but she was still laughing and talking and my best friend and mama. Her daughter went to Mississippi to check on some other ailing kinfolks and the nurses assured her it would be ok.
Saturday morning she didn't feel too good and didn't really want to eat. I had her at the table, she drank her boost, and took a bite of food and she had an accident. I took her to the bathroom and was going to clean her up. Something was wrong. I handed her a washcloth and she started washing her face and under her arms like she was taking a bath. I called Bobby in there. I finished getting her cleaned up, but she started fading, her limbs were no longer helping me get her dressed. I told her to put her arms around me so I could put her in the wheelchair and she did. Then she just fell limp in the wheelchair but she was still alive. I got her to the couch where she always lays and put the oxygen machine on her. We called the ambulance but when we called her daughter she said no, do not resuscitate. The hospice nurse would be coming. I held her in my arms and the ambulance people came to check her anyway. They said she was dead, I told them she was not and sure enough he felt again and she was still breathing. I kept holding her and she passed away. I have never in my life seen anybody die right in front of me. I got her cats an put all three up there and the dog laid down beside the couch where I was. I couldn't leave her.
One of the granddaughters came and the nurse was still there but I couldn't sit at the table with them. I held on to her until the funeral home came to take her away and that's when I lost my mama, not my biological mama, but my other mama. The one I have been with everyday for the past 5 years. I don't know what to do. I have to stay strong for Bobby. I have to stay strong for everybody. I know I am going to lose it, I just don't know when. I have never been in the room or seen the last breath of a person. In my family, they were somewhere else or died in their sleep. Not in my arms. I felt the need to write this because I have nowhere else to put this. I thought maybe if I wrote this and shared it with my classmates I would be able to hang on to something. This is something I never want to go through again. I do not ever want to see anybody take their last breath. I am 58 years old and I never grew up. I don't do death. I know that is probably not the correct way to say it but that is the way it is.
On the bright side of things I got to leave for awhile and my son, Brian was baptized in my church so now we will be sealed together for an eternity. We are members to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter -day Saints. So Sunday was a blessing. My son was asking if I was going to be able to be there, but mama would not have wanted me to miss that.
For those who have never experienced this I hope you never have to and for those who have experienced this , God bless you.
She was Missouri mule and she was very proud of it. She was very stubborn but the sweetest most giving person in the world. She was a retired nurse. Her husband, Bobby, is from Mississippi. They have burial plots in Covington, Louisiana where their paretns are buried. As of right now, we do not know when this will take place as Sterling Funeral Home took her away from us to prepare her for her journey to Louisiana. I don't know what to do without her but I know she wants me to do good in college and I am going to keep going to until I get my degree. In loving memory of Mrs. Sarah Catherine Glover.
She supposedly had Alsheimer's disease and Bobby has Parkinson's disease. I always knew she was in decline after she broke her hip she never walked again but we always laughed everyday and talked for at least two hours before I went to school. I would get up at 4 to 5 a.m. just to have this time with her. I gave her medicine and generally took care of all her needs, and Bobby basically took care of himself. I cried, I've had meltdowns over schoolwork or other things in life, and she was always there to listen to anything that bothered me. I don't know what I am going to do without her.
Friday she was better. She even ate more though she had been on a decline the last 4 to 5 months dropping from 90 pounds to 70 pounds but she was still laughing and talking and my best friend and mama. Her daughter went to Mississippi to check on some other ailing kinfolks and the nurses assured her it would be ok.
Saturday morning she didn't feel too good and didn't really want to eat. I had her at the table, she drank her boost, and took a bite of food and she had an accident. I took her to the bathroom and was going to clean her up. Something was wrong. I handed her a washcloth and she started washing her face and under her arms like she was taking a bath. I called Bobby in there. I finished getting her cleaned up, but she started fading, her limbs were no longer helping me get her dressed. I told her to put her arms around me so I could put her in the wheelchair and she did. Then she just fell limp in the wheelchair but she was still alive. I got her to the couch where she always lays and put the oxygen machine on her. We called the ambulance but when we called her daughter she said no, do not resuscitate. The hospice nurse would be coming. I held her in my arms and the ambulance people came to check her anyway. They said she was dead, I told them she was not and sure enough he felt again and she was still breathing. I kept holding her and she passed away. I have never in my life seen anybody die right in front of me. I got her cats an put all three up there and the dog laid down beside the couch where I was. I couldn't leave her.
One of the granddaughters came and the nurse was still there but I couldn't sit at the table with them. I held on to her until the funeral home came to take her away and that's when I lost my mama, not my biological mama, but my other mama. The one I have been with everyday for the past 5 years. I don't know what to do. I have to stay strong for Bobby. I have to stay strong for everybody. I know I am going to lose it, I just don't know when. I have never been in the room or seen the last breath of a person. In my family, they were somewhere else or died in their sleep. Not in my arms. I felt the need to write this because I have nowhere else to put this. I thought maybe if I wrote this and shared it with my classmates I would be able to hang on to something. This is something I never want to go through again. I do not ever want to see anybody take their last breath. I am 58 years old and I never grew up. I don't do death. I know that is probably not the correct way to say it but that is the way it is.
On the bright side of things I got to leave for awhile and my son, Brian was baptized in my church so now we will be sealed together for an eternity. We are members to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter -day Saints. So Sunday was a blessing. My son was asking if I was going to be able to be there, but mama would not have wanted me to miss that.
For those who have never experienced this I hope you never have to and for those who have experienced this , God bless you.
She was Missouri mule and she was very proud of it. She was very stubborn but the sweetest most giving person in the world. She was a retired nurse. Her husband, Bobby, is from Mississippi. They have burial plots in Covington, Louisiana where their paretns are buried. As of right now, we do not know when this will take place as Sterling Funeral Home took her away from us to prepare her for her journey to Louisiana. I don't know what to do without her but I know she wants me to do good in college and I am going to keep going to until I get my degree. In loving memory of Mrs. Sarah Catherine Glover.
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